I had stopped by on my way to the office party, to borrow her special diamond earrings, and walked right into her having coffee with my ex. Apparently, they had never cut ties with each other, and even went out for lunch occasionally, and he would be joining US for Christmas dinner! Yeah, count me out of that one.
I felt so betrayed. Weren't mothers supposed to stand by their daughters and take their side when they were hurt by cheating boyfriends? And she still defended the jerk. What the hell was wrong with the world lately?
I rushed into my car and started it. The dashboard lights went on for just a second before it died with a miserable choke. I was gonna be late for the party. My God, this day couldn't get any worse. I marched down the street before anyone came outside. I didn't have it in me to face mom at the moment, and the last thing I needed was him coming to check the engine.
***
“Sir? Sir?” I called the cab driver. “How long will it still be?”
The man turned to me spitting fire. “Look, princess. I don't know what kind of pretty perfect world you live in, but in real life I can't just fly this car over the traffic.”
“Excuse me!?”
“I can't control the other cars so they open for US like the red fucking sea!”
“I heard you, sir? But is it really necessary to be this rude?”
“fucking spoiled...” he just mumbled.
I took a deep breath to steady myself and looked out the window, contemplating if it was better to just jump off and walk the rest of the way. Unfortunately, in this weather, and this far from the office building, I would probably die of a cold before getting halfway there. I just sucked it up and tried not to cry. I was so spineless.
My mind kept going back to my ex and his visit to my mother. Caleb might have had lunch with her on a weekly basis, but I was pretty sure he never visited. I would have noticed it. I shook it off - didn't want to waste time and thoughts on that jerk - and prayed that I would get to the office in time. My boss had hinted that there would be a special announcement about a position that had been vacated. I really needed that promotion, and getting to the party on time might be the difference between making or breaking.
“Did he make the announcement yet?” I asked my friends as soon as I got there, note, forty minutes late.
Tina and Mark looked at each other hesitantly. “Yes,” he said.
“I didn't get it.”
“No, honey, there's-”
“Please, don't.” I took the glass from his hand and downed the rest of his drink, then took hers. “I am through with this day, and to see it pass quicker...” I raised the eggnog and made a show of taking it in one swig. “Cheers.”
I walked away from my friends before they had the chance to console me. I didn't want that. I didn't need that right now. I needed to feel good about something, but what could do the trick?
***
I sipped the last of my bottle of champagne. It was mine if I had stolen it. But it would be okay; no one would find me under my hiding place under my desk. I had crumbled only seconds after deciding to have a good time. Who was I kidding? I was failing at love, failing at work, and I had no balls to take the reigns of my life back. Better to just stick to my lonely corner, chugging and crying about my defeats.
I heard the door open and close in a haste, then the shuffle of papers. I swiped the streak of pathetic tears from my cheeks and poked my head up to see who it was. Jonas' eyes met mine as he froze int he middle of whatever he was doing.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I'm... taking time to myself.”
His expression relaxed. “It can get a bit overwhelming out there, right?”
I felt more confident, enough to inch closer like a suspicious deer. “So, what are you doing here?”
He sighed. “I just remembered I had to turn in this report today, so I have to find it and take it to Henderson's office before she decapitates me.”
“Only you would work in the middle of a Christmas party, Jonas.”
“Hey! My ass is on the line.”
I watched him resume his work, bulging muscles apparent under the still tucked and buttoned-up shirt. He was such a dull boy, but I saw an opportunity present itself. An opportunity to have some fun and forget all about my problems for a moment... or hopefully several moments.
Jonas lifted a bundle of papers. “Got it!”
“Great! Now that work is done...” I moved between him and his desk. “We can move on to the fun stuff.”
“But I still have to-”
I shut him up with a hungry kiss, pulling him to me by his tie. When his body crashed against mine, he dropped his papers and kissed me back. His hands came behind my thighs and hauled me up, placing me on top of the desk. This was so unlike me, but for once I wanted to relax, even if I would deeply regret it the next day. And I was definitely going to regret judging by how much I had to drink.
I was opening the first buttons of Jonas' shirt when I heard someone clean their throat at the door.
“What the hell is going on here?” Caleb asked, raising a brow.
Yep! Worst Christmas ever.
***
I sat on the wet grass and watched from a distance as the guys finished their soccer game. I've always been one of the guys, but lately, and throughout the weekend, I'd felt like no one wanted me there. The girls had gone home. When I asked them if they could take my acoustic guitar back with them, they waved it off, as if it wasn't important. There wouldn't be space in the car. I guess their stuffed animals and clothes they had bought during our vacation were a bigger deal. In my desperation, I had the idea of asking the guys. I just told the girls to wait while I asked them if they could take my guitar with them. I was talking to Israel, the smartest one, when I saw the crammed car pulling out of the driveway. They just left me there.
“...and now I guess I have no choice,' I added, chest feeling heavy.
They exchanged looks, most of them with my ex, Jeremy. Our eyes met for a split second, and my heart jumped. Israel didn't seem fazed, but he never seemed anything. He scratched his wise, stubbled chin and came up with a simple enough solution: the guitar would go in one car, and one of them would ride with me in my bike. We'd be leaving the next day when there would be more sunlight and hopefully less rain. I tried to ignore how they fought not to be the one stuck with me.
I followed them around the field with my eyes, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was thinking about my life choices. Dating a close friend had definitely been a bad one. Choosing friends poorly was another. They had clearly picked sides. I decided this would be the last time I hung out with them. They didn't want me around anyway, just tolerated me because they didn't want to admit that the group was broken. Well, it wasn't. The group was still solid, safe for one unwanted member: me.
Thankfully, someone sat by my side and distracted me before the tears could start rolling. “Aren't you gonna play?''
The voice startled me. It belonged to him . 'No, not really.”
“You always play,” he said.
“I know you guys don't want me here. I'm not imposing my presence on you anymore. I swear if it wasn't for the rain, I'd just put the guitar on my back and ride home by myself, same way I got here.’
“It's okay... I know.”
Tm sorry.”
His silence told me that he knew I wasn't just talking about this right now. He knew I meant everything, the way things had ended between US. Hell! I was sorry for even having started all this in the first place. I should have stayed away from him the minute I realized I was attracted to him. But when I set my mind to something, I just had to have that, and he had been no exception.
“I'll ride with you tomorrow,” he said.
I finally snapped my head at him and immediately regretted it. His brown silky hair was drenched from the rain now, one long strand tuck behind his ear, so his chiseled face was in full view to me. Lazy drops of rain dragged along his lean body, catching my eye, inviting me to stare lower and lower through his shirtless abs. I'd always wondered if he would go for another spin with me just for the fun of it, but I never had the guts to ask. I knew he would say no, that he knew better than to make the same mistake again.
I averted my eyes back to the field. “You don't have to come with me.”
“It's okay. You're right, they don't want your company, but I guess you're my problem because of the mass we created.”
I shut my eyes tightly. It hurt so much to hear him speak like that. Jeremy had been my first love back in high school, my first hangover... My first everything. But we didn't want the same things. He wanted to settle down; I wasn't ready. I couldn't just marry the first guy who ever touched me in a certain way; that was bound to come bite me in the ass. I had to see the world, experience new things, and people. He had to fill the void I had left when I'd broken up with him. And our friend Lilah had to be a fucking adult and realize it wouldn't last forever with him, especially after I came back from my travels. What a mess, indeed.
I laughed ruefully. “It's funny, you know? I thought these people were my friends... and the one person to come to check on me is the one I hurt the most.”
Tm not mad at you, Liz.”
I looked at him again. “What?”
“I can't be mad at you for not wanting the same things I do, can I?”
“Well, if they can...”
“No...” He shook his head, looking away. Tm not mad. I'm just... sad.”
There. Another stab to the heart. “I never meant to hurt you.'
“I know that. That's why I'm not mad. If they can't see that, I guess I'm the bigger person.”
“You're the best person I've ever met.”
His eyes darted back to me, looking bleary. “Don't do that. Seriously.”
I felt my own eyes start to water and thanked God for the insistent drizzle.
“I hurt you too.” He got up. “Let's call it even.”
He turned to leave, but I grabbed his wrist. I could swear I had seen a tear before he slipped from me and darted toward the beach motel. I shot up and went after him, but, in my haste, I slipped and fell with a screech. Jeremy looked back and, like the gentleman I knew he was, came running to my aid.
He helped me get up, throwing an arm around my waist. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I tried to walk, but the minute my foot touched the ground, the burning pain made me wail. “Aw! No, no”
“Okay...” He leaned in an angle and scooped my legs up. Before I knew it, he was carrying me up the steps that led to my suite, bridal style.
How ironical.
I switched the key, and he kicked the door open, laying me gently on the bed. “Will you be okay to ride tomorrow?”
Tm not sure... Maybe.”
“I can do it if you want to... If you don't mind sitting behind me.'
“I taught you well... I trust you with my bike.”
He regarded me in silence, swallowing hard, then sat by my side. “Let me check this ankle.'
He patted his lap, and I put my foot over it. He started to press with his thumb until I groaned. He then stopped, felt the spot with his fingers, and told me to move my foot around. When I did, he said, “It's not broken. Some ice and anti-inflammatory might just be enough.” “Thank you... How do you know so much about this?”
“I learned in the army... I served two years after high school.”
Two years... and I wasn't around to know that.
I looked down, and he was still holding my foot, his touch impossibly warm after we had just been in the cold rain. He'd always been warm.
Tm sorry they left you behind,” he said.
“Not talking to those bitches anymore...”
“They're just sore about Lilah.”
“What about the guys? Is that why they're giving me the cold shoulder too?”
“It's more of a sense of loyalty to them...” He started to massage my foot, careful not to hurt the sprained ankle. “I told them not to do this, just so you know.”
“I guess there really is no place for me in this group anymore.”
“Why did you come if you feel like that?”
“Honestly, I have no idea... I guess I didn't want to accept that I have no friends anymore.”
“Don't say that. We're still your friends.”
“ You are?”
“Of course... Like I said, I might be upset about what went down, but I can't be mad at you.”
He pressed a particular spot in my midfoot that felt like heaven, making me moan. We both stiffened up. He stretched his fingers, letting me go. His eyes danced back and forth until they came up to me. I was burning inside. For the last three years and a half, all I could think about was him, his lips, hands, and... I needed him. It was becoming unbearable.
I shifted closer to him; his hand ended up over my thigh. His bottom lip disappeared inside his mouth as he sighed. I took a chance and closed the distance, holding his face in both hands. When our lips got reunited, my heart jumped inside my chest. I felt him respond, run his tongue over my lip, and the realization that he still wanted me too settled in my brain. Then he came to his senses and snapped his hands to my wrists, pulling away. He frowned at me, chest heaving, and I fell from the clouds. It hurt more than I had expected, to feel unwanted.
Jeremy stared at me as if the gears in his head were turning at rocket speed. He clashed his lips against mine again, catching me off-guard. I recovered, deepening the kiss and holding him tighter just in case. His tongue came inside my mouth, stroking mine. I thought my heart would explode and a tear run down my cheek. My hands explored the muscles of his torso, checking the slight differences and relishing the familiarities.
I couldn't believe we were doing this again. As he kissed me and touched me in that well- known way of his, grabbing and squeezing, I was flooded with raw emotion which I couldn't even start to explain. There was joy, fulfillment, and a sense of nostalgia. There was also a hunger for him that had never wavered, not even when I left him, not for a second as I ventured the world so far from him.
Jeremy shifted his body and hovered over me. My back touched the mattress, sinking in its cloud-like softness. He moved to kiss my neck with the tenderness of a long-lost love, and I raked my nails over his lean back. He took every layer of clothing from me with his eyes locked on mine. His look was one of affection, and I wondered if I deserved it.
Soon we were naked and connected like we should never have ceased to be. I moaned as his hips rocked against mine. His breath fanned against my damp skin, and we tangled ourselves in the sheets, rolling around, kissing, and caressing each other. His heady, evocative scent invaded my nostrils, bringing me back to our happy moments, those in which I gasped and cried out, just like I was doing now. I called his name over and over just to make sure that he was real as our hearts beat together. Goosebumps came up in my arms and back when he pulled me up to sit astride him. Our tongues played together in the midst of our passion, bodies twisting and contorting restlessly as the heat inside became unbearable and impossible to contain.
“Jeremy!” I cried one last time; the most beautiful word made by men. My body stilled; his kept moving under me. He held me tight against himself, gradually speeding up until his seed spurt inside me, a note of his beautiful voice filling the room. We caught our breaths together, expanding and contracting in an endless loop of post-coital peace. I laughed under my breath, and he did the same. Our eyes met. There were no regrets as the world felt right again. I touched his forehead with mine, eyes closing to try and freeze time, to make that moment last forever.
-----The End-----