My husband Dele, my sons, Ade and Bolu, and myself were kneeling on the altar. But I was not thanking you, I was pleading that you make Dele's kini work again.
The newspaper articles I read made it clear that some plugs are pulled during prostate surgeries, but I continued hoping. I waited for the guests who came for the Thanksgiving Reception to leave before we retired to the bedroom. I needed to see things for myself.
"Dele, help me unhook my bra," I said. It was our usual sex anthem— Dele would unhook the bra, cup my breasts in his firm hands and begin to squeeze my nipples.
Dele unhooked the bra, sat on the bed and began to read a copy of SuperSports that has been lying on the bedside stool for weeks. Sometimes, Dele and I played hard-to-get before sex, where we feigned that we were not interested to further arouse the other person. I walked up to the bed and sat close to Dele. His breathing was muffled like someone who was being stifled. My left breasts nudged against his back.
"You come dey do like say 'e no dey hungry you, " I teased and kicked off my shoes.
"The thing no gree stand."
Dele froze in stark horror. He slumped on the bed, holding the flacid kini in his right hand.
Dear God, we talked again, last month, when I visited Quilox. I never wanted to go clubbing. Marriage had sealed that chapter of my life. But Funmi insisted that I needed some action.
"I'm not sex-starved," I had protested.
"Abeg, make we hear word. We all know what happens to men that undergo prostrate surgery." Funmi said.
After a few glasses of Hennessy, I was digging to Lady Gaga's Do What You Want on the dancefloor, when an unknown hand slapped my backside. It felt slutty; a good kind of slutty. I met Shuga that night. He is a twenty-two year old Uni Lag undergraduate. Tall, dark, flat abs and he kept pubic hair. I mean, the sheer arrogance.
"I call it the ladies' cushion," Shuga said as I helped him slip on the condom later that night.
This sparked a series of comparisons between Dele and Shuga. It was just sex with Dele, but something close to fuck with Shuga. I started noticing that Shuga lasted longer than Dele. His thrusts were more intense, and how he could muster the courage to go down on me!
Dear God, my wayward chickens have come home to roost. I am hiding inside Shuga's wardrobe as we speak. His girlfriend came over so I have to stay here until she leaves.
Can you hear me. Talk to me. Say something...