Facing a strange man in a strange place, struggling to make small talk, didn't seem like the funnest way to pass the time, but I knew it was just because it had been so long. Still, I was a bundle of nerves just thinking about it, and the fact that none of my clothes looked good on me that evening didn't help. I had tried about a dozen different outfits already, and all of them made me feel like a bloated dead body.
“I just don't know why you put yourself through this, Nina.”
I turned to see my roommate, Eliot, leaning against the doorway to my bedroom.
“What?”
“You look great,” he said. “Stop torturing yourself like that.”
“I look like s**t,” I corrected, evaluating the millionth outfit. “This is a disaster. My hair looks dull, nothing fits... Get out, I'm gonna try something else.”
“No, you're not.” He walked up to me and stopped me from grabbing yet another dress.
“You're right. I should just cancel.”
“Are you insane?”
We started to argue on the subject, speaking at the same time. He said encouraging things, and I countered. It was always like this with us: he would make compliments; I would deflect them. Eliot was a natural flirt, and I was just too shy to take it seriously.
The truth was that ever since I'd laid eyes on him, I had developed a little crush. He was that type of guy, the one that has women forming a line to go out with him; the type that made you zone out every time he spoke to you, got you wondering what those plump lips would feel like against your skin. But he was out of reach. We lived together, so getting involved with him was a no-no. Besides, a hunk like that would never look at me twice. I was only good to keep him company in slow nights, watch some Netflix and have popcorn.
“I can't go like this, Eliot!”
“You look amazing! Cut that crap off,” he said.
“It's not crap!”
“The guy is gonna be here any minute, and, so help me God, you will not keep him waiting forever while you parade every piece of clothes you own.”
“You're right...” I took a deep, calming breath. “I'm just... not feeling like myself today.”
“When are you ever?”
“Back off, okay? Every woman has their insecurities.”
“I don't get it, Nina.” He shook his head. “You're gorgeous. How can you not see it?”
“Well, you have to say that because you're my friend.”
“No, I'm being honest here.” He crossed his arms, flexing them. God, he looked so hot... He was the worst. “You're beautiful.”
I snorted in disbelief, turning on my ballet flats to close the doors of the closet. “Yeah, right.”
He held my hand and made me look back at him. “I'll show you.”
Eliot closed the rest of the distance between US, and before I knew it, our lips were connected. I was surprised, not just by his move, but by my own quick reaction. I kissed him back, amazed at how good he tasted in my mouth. His lips were so, so soft. My skin prickled under the light scratch of his stubble. My hand went up the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his silky hair, while the other grabbed a fistful of his white tee, bringing him even closer.
I felt him smile against my mouth, deepening the kiss. His hand lazily ran down my back.
I felt him smile against my mouth, deepening the kiss. His hand lazily ran down my back and waist. I sighed deeply, catching the scent of his musky cologne. We pulled apart, and I felt dizzy and out of breath. Damn, the guy was like wine.
“Okay... You weren't kidding,” I said. “You really mean all that stuff you always say?”
“Every word.” He ran a finger across his swollen lip.
I couldn't resist; I had to kiss him again. I bit the fleshy bottom lip, wandering what was going on with me. I was never this forward. Making out with a guy in my room with no preamble, without getting to know each other first. But we did know each other. We were roommates for over a year now, and we used to spend a considerable amount of time together in the house. But that only made everything the more complicated.
My mother used to say: never mix business with pleasure. But come on! The guy was the whole package: smart, handsome, ambitious, fun and sweet.
Without me even noticing, he guided me towards the foot of the bed. A finger brushed my thigh lightly, hesitating at the hem of my dress. I felt something hard against my pelvis. His whole body was suggesting we go all the way. My hands roamed under his clothes, finding the hard abs. I needed to buy time; I wasn't sure. But I also didn't want to send him the wrong message.
Eliot pierced me with his deep brown eyes and pulled his t-shirt up, throwing it to the side. I tried my best to look confident, but there was only so much I could do. I swear I could study anatomy from that hard, sculpted-marble torso. It was intimidating.
His hand shot to mine and placed it against his packs, making me blush instantly.
His laugh sounded deep and throaty. “You're so fucking cute, Nina.”
He pulled me back to him and, still kissing me, sat on the bed. I ended up straddling him, grinding my aching core against his growing desire. I felt the heat taking over me. He groaned against my mouth, hands hiking up my dress.
This was getting too intense... too quickly.
“You're so beautiful,” he said between kisses.
“I don't believe you.”
“Good... because I'll keep proving it to you.”
Eliot's lips made a path down my neck, and I leaned back to let him kiss my collarbone. His fingers deftly moved the straps of my dress away so he could go further down. My heart beat a mile a minute, knowing we were closer and closer to crossing a line.
Ding-dong.
We froze, looking at each other.
“My date!” I shrieked, coming back to my senses.
Eliot's eyes were expectant, waiting for my next move. “What are you gonna do?”
“I'm sorry, I... I have to go.”
I climbed down from his lap and fixed my clothes. I grabbed my purse and ran to the front door, to get the hell out of there as fast as i cloud. My chest fell, regret sinking its heavy claws on it. I was a coward, a spineless wimp. I’d let fear take over, and for that, I didn’t deserve Eliot.
You can call me a chicken if you want. Yes, I chickened out when I realized that Eliot wanted to go all the way. It's not like I was a virgin or anything, but I was a coward and also super busy with school and work ever since my teenage years, so that left me with little experience on the sack. Besides, you probably already noticed I'm not very comfortable in my own skin, so there's that. It made sense that I threw myself in the direction of a man just to run away from another. Or that's what I told myself. At least this one wouldn't try and take me to bed. Not so soon anyway.
I spent the whole meal zoning out, barely paying attention to the person in front of me, which was a shame because the guy seemed really nice and cute. Except I didn't want cute right now. I wanted rough, disheveled, and unshaved.
We took a long walk under the stars after dinner, talking, and getting to know each other. We hadn't parked that far from the restaurant, but the truth is that I was stalling to get back home. I didn't have the stomach to face Eliot, so I wanted to be home as late as possible to reduce the odds of running into him.
My date must have thought he was going so well. Poor guy. I finally decided to stop leading him on and asked him to take me home. We made out in his car for a while, just so I could take a little longer to get in. He was a good kisser, actually. But I didn't want to be there kissing him. He wasn't Eliot.
“This was nice,” he said. “Should we do it again?”
“Let's wait and see.”
“See what?”
I jumped off the car and scurried to my front door. I didn't even look back, and that was probably okay because the guy must have been so confused. He didn't even honk as he pulled the car out of the curb. I just went in, dreading the awkward moment that might come. Instead, when I walked in, there was no sign of Eliot anywhere. I poked my head through the ajar door of his room; he wasn't home.
I felt an immense relief, going to take a shower. But then, as I shrugged off all of my clothes, I remembered it was Friday, and there was one thing that he always did on Friday nights.
“I can't believe this!” I screamed to no one.
The i***t had gone pussy-hunting. Every week, I would lock myself in my room to study and turn up the volume of my stereo to try and muffle the giggles and tiny screams that used to filter through the wall between our bedrooms. But that would only frustrate me, as it made it impossible for me to focus, and I'd get crazy jealous. And now he was out doing that very same thing he did every Friday night.
Well, Nina. This is what you deserve for being such a chicken .
***
I picked up the pace, my leisured walk morphing into a sprint as I tried to outrun the rain in my trajectory from the bus stop to my house. When I thought my day couldn't get worse...
I tried to move as fast as I could in the kitten heels I had worn at work, but that wasn't much. Soon I fell victim to the pelting droplets, my hair and clothes getting wet quickly. Thank God I was close to my house. As soon as the front porch came into view, I reached inside my purse for my keys and rummaged the interior. And rummaged. And rummaged...
I can't believe I forgot my keys today!
I reached the front door and started knocking without thinking. “Eliot! Eliot! Are you there? Open up! I forgot my keys!”
The wind picked up and whistled, making the cover from the porch useless. I screamed louder, competing with the sounds of angry weather. It took a minute for me to hear scrambling and running, then the door swung open, and Eliot beckoned me in. I kicked my shoes off and got rid of my coat, twisting the water out of my hair onto a plant.
“Thank you,” I said. “Do you have company? Am I interrupting something?”
He didn't answer me, and I looked up to see his eyes stuck to my wet shirt. I snapped my fingers, and he finally found my eyes. 'No. I had my headphones on. That's why I didn't come right away.”
We stared at each other in silence, and I realized we were talking for the first time in a whole week. He had been doing everything in his power to avoid running into me: staying out late, going to work earlier, locking himself in his room for most of the time and only coming out quickly to scurry back in like a mouse after he was done with whatever he had to do. It didn't take a genius to realize he didn't want to see me. And, truthfully, I deserved it.
“Hey, I'm sorry about the other day,” I said. “I don't know what came over me.”
“Look, you don't have to do this, Nina. I've been meaning to talk to you, actually-”
“Oh good!” I perked up, feeling relieved.
“-I wanted to let you know that I'll be moving out.”
I tensed up again. 'What? No. That's bullshit! Why are you doing this?”
“Why? Do you really wanna know? Fine! I've been watching you get consumed by your insecurities for the last two years!” He gestured angrily, his voice competing with the thunder outside. “For two years I've been waiting around for you to finally take a break from working your ass off and studying so hard. I couldn't take it anymore! I'm only human. And when I think you're finally opening up to me, the bell rings, and you go running off with a guy who's my complete opposite, leaving me alone on a Friday night with a boner!”
He placed his hands on his hips, watching me as if waiting for an answer. He had wanted me for two years... Two years?
I blinked at him. “I'm sorry, you what?”
He sighed heavily then stepped in and pressed his lips against mine, holding my face in both hands. I wanted him to keep going so badly, but before I could even process everything, he pulled away. “Goodbye, Nina.”
He side-stepped me and walked toward his room. My heart jumped inside my chest, breath picked up. I was losing him. I had secretly wanted him for so long, and now that I almost had him, I was too weak and scared to just reach out and take him for myself.
I was done with it.
I ran to him and held his hand. “Eliot, wait!”
As soon as he turned to face me, I threw myself at him. He stumbled backward as he held me, and I gave him the deepest of kisses. I tasted his lips and his tongue, feeling the usual tingling between my legs from when I saw him intensify.
He hesitated, holding my both arms and pulling US apart. “I'm confused.”
“I didn't run away because I don't like you. I did it because I was scared.”
“Nina, what the fuck?”
“I was scared of how good you made me feel and how much I wanted this.” I kissed him again. “But not anymore.” And again. “Promise me you won't move out.”
Eliot responded by holding me in place and kissing me deeply. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want him to ever think I didn't like him again. And I was sick and tired of letting my anxiety get in the way of my happiness. It had happened the first time I went to college, and when I got the job I really wanted, and I had lost all those things for pure fear of actually getting what I wanted. I refused to lose Eliot too.
“We don't have to do anything you don't want to,” he said.
I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “But I want this. I really, really want this.”
His hands ran down my back and squeezed my butt before he lifted me up. My legs hugged his waist, and I kissed his neck, let him carry me to the couch where he dropped me. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it. I was almost distracted by the muscles of his abs and pectoral, but I wanted to see so much more. I sat up and fumbled with his belt until he released me from my embarrassment and took over.
I opened my shirt, nearly ripping some buttons. My lingerie was less than ideal for the moment since I wasn't expecting to get any action today, so I got rid of it while he wasn't looking. When he saw me sitting there, wearing nothing more than my pencil skirt, he crashed over me, kissing me with a hunger I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams.
“Eliot, be gentle with me, please.”
“I got you, baby.” He moved to kiss my neck. “Don't you worry.”
I relaxed against the leather cushions, letting him kiss me and lick me as if I was delicious. He hiked up my skirt, and I felt the tip of his cock push in at my entrance, his lips teasing my n****e. I slowly got wetter and lubricated, and once I started to buck for his length, he slid in, ever so careful. I felt my walls stretch somewhat painfully. It had been a while. But he moved gently and patiently, paying attention to my other erogenous zones, rousing me.
I held his shoulder and the back of his neck, grabbing the hair there, and we kissed again. Eliot made me feel so desired, so alive with sensations. He propped up on his hands and broke the kiss, rocking his hips a little more urgently. I closed my eyes and grabbed the armrest above my head, trying to match his movements.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“Yes! It's amazing!”
Once I found my voice, I couldn't stop anymore. My moans and gasps filled the living room as he pounded against me. I asked for more, harder, faster. I wanted him to tear me apart. He hooked an arm under my leg and lifted it, opening me wide for him. I felt the heat spread from my core all over, getting bigger, getting stronger.
“Yes, Eliot! Oh, God? Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“fuck, Nina!”
I hadn't known this side of me, and I guess he hadn't either. I threw my other leg over the back of the couch. I could barely hear myself scream his name because the pleasure was so overwhelming. I wanted it to last forever, but it only increased until I couldn't take it anymore, and then an explosion. My climax felt like fireworks, loud and beautiful, and I couldn't breathe or think. For a long moment, there was only me, him, and an addictive sense of euphoria. My nerves screamed from happiness, and when I opened my eyes, I saw him get there too, completely rapturous.
Eliot gave me a relaxed smile that tingled my insides. He leaned in to give me a sweet kiss, chuckling against my lips. “I am so happy right now,” he said.
“Me too... Are we stupid for not doing this earlier?”
“Totally.”
“You're not leaving, are you?”
“No. I'm not going anywhere.” He stroked my hair, pushing it away from my face. “And you're gonna be seeing a lot more of me from now on.”
“Even Friday nights?” “Especially Friday nights, baby.”